The need for approval begins in childhood. If we exhibit good behavior and obey family rules, we are rewarded in ways that make us feel loved — an eternal need we all still share. But as adults, being people-pleasers can become the monkey on our backs.
If you feel obligated to participate in everything your friends and family are doing, and you let them delegate a certain role to you that feels uncomfortable or makes you feel as if you’re being used, it may be because you’re afraid they won’t love you if you disagree. Your childhood fear of not belonging has taken you into an adult pattern of being the patsy. You have given away your power to say no.
Assessing Your Adult Behaviors
- Do you choose clothes to impress?
- Do you style hair and wear makeup to gain attention?
- Do you extend yourself financially in order to run with a certain crowd?
- Do you always give in to peer pressure?
- Do you cancel your own plans just to accommodate someone else?
- Do you shy away from looking at yourself in a mirror?
If you answered yes to a number of these, then you might want to consider a new way of looking at life.
Part of a doctor’s creed is to “first, do no harm,” and that can apply to every aspect of you as a person. Before you launch a plan to gain ground within your job and your circle of friends, you should first be secure in who YOU are.
Your personal appearance and behaviors should be a reflection of the real you. Whether you are a leader or a follower, the face you present to the world should be a reflection of the light within you. Your truth will already be evident, freeing you from the need to live in disguise.
Living Your Truth
When you present your true self to the world, the tribe to which you really belong will find you. There will be no need for preening and pretense that feels foreign, and the things that you stressed about before will no longer be an issue. Once you can look at yourself in a mirror and not stress about a facial feature or dissect what you are wearing, you have reached your own level of personal happiness. You won’t worry about what people say about you, because you are happy with who you already are.
Claiming Your Sovereignty
In the art world, one-of-a-kind is priceless, and yet humanity is uncomfortable with a person being unique. This is where personal sovereignty comes into play. You did not come here to fit in. You came here with a purpose, and getting lost in the crowd can make it even more difficult to achieve.
When you are pleased with the inner you, the beauty of that spirit shines brighter than the finest of jewels. When you walk into a room and are in tune with who you are in the world, the energy of the being you have become turns more heads than anything money can buy.
You can’t dress for that look.
You don’t wear the look.
You ARE the look.
And don’t forget to smile.